


Delicious Torment

by Miraphina Atherton (mew_tsubaki)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, F/M, Marauders' Era, not rly underage but you know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-28 05:54:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11411610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mew_tsubaki/pseuds/Miraphina%20Atherton
Summary: Unfortunately for the devilishly handsome Sirius, he's too bright and brooding for his own good. Shouldn't Remus be the brooding one? But, no, he can't even tell Rem and James this...





	Delicious Torment

**Author's Note:**

> The Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling, not to me. Done for a quote prompt. Read, review, and enjoy! Originally written for Morghen.

> _"I think we dream so we don't have to be away from one another. If we're in each other's dreams, we'll always be together." —Hobbes_

There was no point in denying it. Sirius couldn't get past the fact anymore that not only did he not belong in his family, but… He hung his head in shame. He never would've told Remus or James this…

He was jealous of his parents.

"I empathize," a wispy form mumbled beside his right arm. She crossed her arms and stared out at the countryside with him. Her long, pretty hair waved in the breeze—though there was no wind. This could only be as she was a ghost—the Grey Lady.

Sirius glanced at her before staring at the landscape again. She really was very pretty… The Gryffindor fifth year recalled how his friend had informed him of the Ravenclaw head ghost. Remus said that few knew she was really Helena Ravenclaw, daughter to Rowena, the founder of Ravenclaw House. Remus only knew this from having once dated a Ravenclaw girl last year. Sirius, on the other hand, hadn't cared less. Until now.

For most of this year, Sirius had come to rely on the usually taciturn Helena. She'd become somewhat of a confidant, as James and Remus were trying to hit the books a little more often, for O.W.L.s would arrive in just a few short months. But Sirius was glad to have made a connection with her at all; he'd been able to say some things about his family that before he never would've revealed, even under the threat of any Unforgiveable Curse.

Such as how he was jealous of his parents. Which brought him back to his current two dilemmas.

"You empathize?" Sirius asked, grimacing. "You keep saying that, regardless of the scenario. I'd _love_ to know how you empathize."

Helena pursed her lips, but she smiled at him. "Sirius, why do you think you're jealous of them?"

He fell quiet, his grumbles subdued. He had this _idea_ about his envy…but he didn't know if he was ready to voice it. The elder Black son stretched his legs and stood up, ready to return to the Potions class he was skipping. He honestly didn't feel like getting emotional right now.

"Sirius." Helena's tone was stern as she drifted behind him, dragging behind him, for she could only glide really as fast as he could walk. His current pace was a bit much for her. She implored him again. " _Sirius_!"

Reluctantly, the wizard glanced at her and frowned. "I…shouldn't have brought it up," he grumbled. Sirius turned and jogged back to the dungeons before Helena could further remark, and he was glad she wouldn't bother him in class.

It was really only that. He felt that if he voiced his reason, then it would make his jealous proclamation horrifically real. But… Sirius twirled his quill in his fingers as the remainder of double Potions slowly came to a close. He also thought that it should've been time for Helena to open up a _bit_ more by now. Typically, if she were his current fling, she would've shared, snogged, and skipped out months ago. But no, time was irrelevant to a ghost. While Sirius might use the excuse that he had more important things to do, Helena could easily smile and mention that _she_ had nowhere to go.

Sirius grimaced. When he died, he _really_ wished he wouldn't become a ghost.

Potions was the last class of the day, so Sirius was all too happy to leave and eat with his mates in the Great Hall. He was starving; it was as if he _had_ spilled his guts to that lovely esper and had cried himself hungry. And, at first, dinner was fine.

Until conversation around him stopped. Until all eyes were looking to his left. Until he _felt the shiver of cold that could only mean the arrival of one person._

"Oh, don't mind me, boys," Helena stated with a grin and a ladylike titter. "There's no need to stop eating on my behalf."

James resumed as though nothing had changed. Remus slowly followed her request, albeit somewhat curiously. Peter had blanched and dropped his utensils with a clatter. He gaped and stared at her with his big, stupid eyes. And Sirius? He gritted his teeth and pointedly stared at Remus' shoulder across from him, not wanting to turn to the spectre at his side.

Helena didn't mind. She was polite and friendly to those around her, and no one was bothered by the fact that she wasn't really _sitting_ on the bench, so much as standing through it. When Sirius finished and left first, she gave him a minute's head start. Catching up to him wouldn't be too hard this time, since he'd only be going one place at this time of night: Gryffindor Tower.

As Sirius departed early, only he and Helena explored the dimly lit corridors on the way to Gryffindor Tower. Sirius ran ahead of her well, but Helena was fine with catching up to him at her own speed. Not even a common room portrait or level after level of stone stairs and wooden floorboards would or could stop her.

Her head and, subsequently, her body materialized as he began undoing his tie. Sirius paced angrily beside his bed.

"That was uncalled for!" he barked, not even looking to see that she was there; he knew she was. He knew her presence very well these days. "There was no need to pester me at supper!"

"I don't recall being a pest; I thought I was joining a friend for a meal. But do beg pardon, I have the memory of a ghost," she finished dryly.

Sirius stopped pacing and locked eyes with her, silver gray meeting the grayed tint of what had once been a vibrant blue. He burst out laughing then, and even Helena lost some of her unrest and gave in to a quiet chuckle. "Tha—That was good," he snorted. He gave her a wink as he finally pulled himself free of his maroon and gold tie. "You sure you're not a Marauder? That was along the lines of a joke James or I'd crack, good Merlin."

Helena sat beside him on his bed, her laughter done, but her smile remaining despite the serious quality of her gaze. "Oh, Sirius… You never had a problem opening up until now. Why?"

His grin faded, and the grimace returned. "I think it's probably the worst realization I've come to—so far." Sirius crossed his arms behind his head and plopped himself back on his bed, staring at the ceiling of his four-poster. "You…You've never given _me_ the trust I give you," the wizard finished sullenly, hating that he sounded like a whiny first year.

"Ah." Helena pursed her lips and thought a while. She leaned back beside him and stared at the same spot as Sirius. "I stole from my mother."

Sirius shot up, his eyes wide. " _What?_ "

Helena closed her eyes and nodded. "She had this talisman—a diadem, you see—that amplified her intelligence. Always she went on about how I could've done better in school, about how easy problems really were, because _she_ had solved them. In reality, I was the biggest disappointment she had never wished for. So, one day I stole her diadem and ran away. It was nice to see her flounder just a tad," Helena added with a giggle, but her laughter quickly died away again. "But one thing led to another, and then I was a ghost. Mother didn't like that either," she added in a mumble. She blinked, feeling she might have said just a little too much, but she turned to see his expression. If ghosts could be bashful, then Sirius thought she was blushing. "See? It's tied to my death and an awful home life… I haven't shared this with anyone."

He was quiet for a moment. "Well, I haven't shared half of what I told you with James or with Remus," he rebuked softly. "But thank you for—for leveling with me."

The Ravenclaw ghost nodded and clasped her hands on her chest. "I'm sorry for not realizing how much you truly rely on me."

Sirius grinned. "'S okay. As long as it doesn't get out to other girls, you can keep me all to yourself." Satisfied to hear her titter once more, Sirius took a breath and stated, "They, too, have what I don't have."

"Your parents?"

He nodded. "I do hate their pureblood craze, and I don't want to go back there this summer…but I can't deny that they are proud. Proud of themselves, proud of their heritage… Proud of… _most_ of their family. And, as long as you're like them, they won't give up on you either." He scowled. "But I hate my blood. There are days when I wish I could tear out my veins and not be related to them. I'm not proud of myself, or of the stupid, frivolous things I've done. I'm not proud of my heritage which favors slavery and the death of those who are, really, just like me. I'm not proud to have the Black family name. Once I started to develop my own beliefs, my family basically disowned me. I'm…I'm waiting for the day when they legally do!" He sighed and took a breath. "They have so much. But me? I've got so little…"

"What about your friends? You've got them," Helena pointed out. "You have a castle full of people who know your name, most of whom either admire you or like you or both. You have a Hogwarts staff ready to act as surrogate parents—I'm sure McGonagall is more of a mother figure than you give her credit for. And…" The witch fumbled with her words, never having had to be so articulate in her death all these centuries. She gazed at him. "You have me."

Sirius leaned down again and closed his eyes. "I guess I do… But you're incorporeal, luv, and that's quite the bridge to cross." He didn't hear her response as he drifted off to sleep, but he did see her in his dreams. And there, there he could touch her and feel the warmth of her hands and breath and taste what he'd surmised to be honey sweet lips. And he could see her eyes that were as blue as the nighttime sky.

Sirius smiled. When he died, he _really_ wished he would become a ghost. For her.

**Author's Note:**

> :DDD! So, while the story began in medias res, Helena and Sirius were somewhat established here, and I definitely think they have a strong, emotional connection. It's so weird, but I feel as though these two have weirdly workable chemistry—like Sirius with Poppy. :3
> 
> Thanks for reading, and please review!
> 
> -mew-tsubaki 8D
> 
> 2017 note: I love stories where one charrie seeks the comfort of another in this very sweet, unconditional manner. I think they would've gotten along v well, had they had the chance to hit it off, considering their families. And so interesting, the idea that Remus and Sirius might've known about the diadem long before Harry needed it… :O


End file.
